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Tuesday, December 16, 2014

For a Friend in Need of a Push in the Right Direction- A First Draft

To the wishful face in my mirror
asking how to move on
asking where to go from here
advice on how to be strong

stop blinking, stop crying,
start drying your eyes
stop wishing, stop hoping
stop accepting all the lies

Dare to dream another day
as you step out your front door
Don't discourage others who
are looking to find more

People move and change like airwaves
static up and static down
Just tune your radio one more time
the right friends can always be found

To the wishful face in my mirror
Who'd give the same advice to me
There's always another doorway
You just need to find the right key

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Tech Troubles

I need a distraction
from the fact my friend won't focus on my face
But instead on their phones
Because I feel lonely in a world where
people hold bricks to their eyes and ears to block out others
My coffee grows cold in my hand as I try to have a conversation
Offering someone condolences on a bad day
But what do you need me for
You have Twitter
140 characters who can act better than me
Because I can't feign acceptance of the technology that takes over our lives
I want a real piece of art
A relationship not deluded by pixels and pieced together letters with no vowels
Because you can't think of real words to say to me
That's what I said, omg
I want a relationship to work because we can work on ourselves face to face
Not with a Skype icon in the middle
I'm a lets talk about life kind of woman
Who only uses iMessage to send a message saying lets get together
So that I can see the emotions as you talk and not the emoticons as you text
I don't live in a sims game, I don't need virtual people in my life
And yes I'm guilty
I do it too
But that's because I don't know what else to do
as you stare between the clear and blue blurbs on your phone
Waiting for you to make plans with someone else so you can meet up with them too
And text me saying lets do it again soon
What is the upper hand of the uninterested
What do we get from showing so little concern when it comes to clear communication and a respect of someone's time
So next time you pull out your phone as we talk
And I ask you what's up and you say oh, I just gotta send this message
Well you better check the time as well
Because I pronounce time of death on this relationship
But no worries right?

You can ask Siri for advice

Monday, November 10, 2014

For a Friend in Need of a Poem About Love -a first draft

There is nothing so frustrating as to be in love.
Nothing so painful, so slow, so tempting.
There is no such substance as is love that can make someone feel so daunted,
so somber of their life and surroundings
doubtful of who they are and what they represent
to other people.

Love is not about you, though
love is not about who you think you are
or who you want to be
Love is what makes you different from other people
love is the catalyst you pour into a mix to make all the flavors unique
love is so selfish as to make you think it is about you and yet so invigorating to find out that it is not

Love my dear, is not something you can hold in your hand and release
It is not something you can control or contrive
Darling, it's not on a timer but it doesn't last forever either
Not unless you realize, it's not about you

It's not about you and it's not about them
Love, you see so blindly
It's an uncontrollable force with a mind of its own
And while you should not join the circus,
a ringmaster can reduce a lion so it looks to purr
but in it's heart, it knows where it belongs

You may control it as well as a forest fire
You may tame it as well as the sea
you may follow it where it leads you
But only you can set yourself free

Love dear, is about not knowing what love is, but chasing it anyways.

Sunday, September 7, 2014

14. “Describe yourself as fully and accurately as possible in 140 characters.”

I am looking for the epitome of balance; how much can I inspire others, and how much can others inspire in me, without complete dependence. 

#Pinterest Problems

In case you don't know me, or you haven't been in the 21st century that long (hello! time traveler), there is this amazing new thing called Pinterest. It is this interactive bulletin board that allows you to find, organize and review your favorite pictures and embedded links. They have ideas ranging from friendship bracelet ideas to the best kept recipes to the top ten ways you can unclog your toilet, and everything in between. It's completely addictive, and I like it because its visual, creative, inspiring and it expands my vocabulary. Yes my friends, it makes me smarter by allowing me to pin words (that do exist and) that I've never heard before. Words that once you have in your vocabulary, not only do you feel smarter and more powerful, but more creative as well. Here are some of those words:

In honor of all these words, I am going to try and use a new one every day in my writings. If there's a word you don't know, that might be it!

Monday, September 1, 2014

6. “What makes you happy?”

I feel like less and less people can say that a lot of things make them happy. The world is becoming a far more picky place, making it a rare occurrence to feel bliss or a smile and everything in between. I am proud to say, however, there are many things that make my heart sing, but for time's sake I can't list them all, so here are just a few.
*this list does not include people, dogs or any other living creatures, for fear of the obvious*
#4. Hugs 
So for anyone who has talked to me in the last (we'll say) 3 months, I've been slightly obsessed with the 5 Languages of of Love (Gary Chapman people, look him up). Surprise surprise I am most receptive to physical touch (see exibit A),
which means there is not much I like more in the world than being trampled by people who just want a good squeeze. There should be one of those signs that say keep calm and give kings a hug.

#12. The Grocery Store

Because who doesn't love the place where all your nutritious, food related dreams come true. There is nothing like walking down the isle and seeing the pasta you've been craving, or those orange milanos you can almost never find, or all the things you didn't realize you needed (to make you fat) but you're there so why not?! A trip to the grocery store is like Christmas, and sunshine, and pretty much every Tuesday.

#17. HPU

While I am still young, restless, nerdy and dead serious about nothing except mealtimes, I feel like college is good for me. Not just, you know, for the edjamacation and stuff, but also because I get to live on my own (with the love, support, and joint bank accounts of mom and dad back home{hi}) but I also get to explore who I am and what I like and how many times I can get subway in a week without it affecting my hormones. Realistically, I can't stay in school forever, but that just means I have to make the most out of my last two years.

#21. Pine Tree Camp
The last three summers have been the best. Ever. There is nothing so fun as summer, and nothing so rewarding as working at PTC for 9 weeks. I have the most amazing campers in the world; they make me laugh so hard I cry, and yet they never fail to reassure me I'm a counselor. No Way?! 

Dawn, if you ever read this, I just googled imaged PTC. None of these pics I uploaded.

#26. Being an English Writing Major
First of all, let me just clarify that I am not one of these people.
That doesn't mean I'm ok with people mixing up you're and your, or there, they're and their, but I don't think grammar is the bees knees and I almost didn't pass my first high school English class thanks to gerunds and prepositional phrases. But alas, I did, and I'm so thankful for that because if I hadn't, I never would have experience the thrill of detective fiction with Dr Carlson or the abstract (but not really, cause there are guidelines) art of creative writing with Jacob Paul. But I love writing; I like turning my ideas tangible and making stories come (within a mind) to life. 

...but sometimes you just gotta buckle down and do it. And next thing you know, you'll be on your way to becoming a better writer. 

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

The Mixing of Happiness

Unless you are a monk somewhere, or live in a third world country, or had really really strange parents, you have heard of TV. it’s probably even likely that you've watched a couple (or more) shows in your time, and for that, I congratulate you on being human. But until recently, I didn't think TV mattered that much. I thought it was mild entertainment that moved with the times to pacify the people and put time into staring at a screen. But today, I actually learned something.

Most of the shows I like get cancelled. Sad but true I have very eclectic tastes when it comes to TV, and most of the shows I appreciate are quirky and maybe a bit off the beaten path. That’s not to say they’re weird, but more they don't appeal to the general population in the long run. Yeah, I guess, normally they're pretty weird...that or really, really bad.

ABC this year premiered several new shows for their spring line up. Among those was a show called Mixology, a show set in a hip New York bar where ten initial strangers struggle to find what might be love by last call. There were all sorts of couple combinations; the pushover and the emotional commitment phobe; the bearded red head and the sexy mother from Newark; the slightly self absorbed waitress and the over zealous, commitment freak black guy. The couple I rooted for most however were Ron and Liv, the sexy blond Brit who just lost everything by bankrupting his start-up and the “whatever’s fine” Indian woman who almost settled with a boring marriage. The impression given in the episode before the season finale (spoiler alert) was that the two were going to do what Liv had always wanted to do: travel to India to ride an elephant... together. The finale, however, has Liv calling another main character and best friend, Maya, to tell her that she and Ron are on their way to JFK and that Ron has taken care of all the details. In their short phone conversation the two friends talk mostly about Maya’s inability to commit, but Maya also reminds Liv of why she wanted to go to India; to find herself after finding out she didn’t really know what she wanted in life. The finale has Liv leaving Ron in the taxi to fly, that same night, to India to discover who she really is.

To be honest, it sounds a bit better on paper, but trust me, in the show, you as a viewer are rooting for this couple to be together; they have great chemistry, they make each other happy, and they saved the other from making mistakes they would have regretted the rest of their lives. You root for them because you want them to be happy; to fall in love and live happily ever after because that is what you think is best for them; to be together.

The big reveal to this whole narrative is that while I was thinking after the show, I was tempted to rewrite (for my own satisfaction) the ending to that particular story, so that in the end they would both be happy. I realized that wouldn’t have worked, because even if I delved halfway back through the show I would have never addressed the issue that Liv needed to find out who she was on her own and that she could never have done that while romantically involved with Ron, or her ex fiance Jim. I realized that I just wanted the characters to be happy...But why can’t Liv be happy? Who’s to say she won’t have a great time in India and find herself and find faith and freedom in a country she’s from but never been to. Why does she need Ron to make her happy, when clearly her story is far from over and she’s about to start on this incredible journey through life. She was 28 and didn’t even know what kind of drink she wanted at the bar, or if she preferred an aisle or window seat.Yes, those are both first world preferences, but it doesn’t disqualify them as choices she needed to make. I realized while watching that show that just because the night is over and the guy who you thought you might like you’re not so into anymore, doesn’t mean that tomorrow you can’t look in the mirror and know you made the right choice by choosing to be by yourself, finding yourself. The show, which is now officially over, will serve as a very needed wake up call and reminder that you do not need a guy to make you happy. If you’re Liv, you need  a bunch of tequila and a ticket to India. If you’re the rest of us, the only thing you really need is the journey.

Friday, February 28, 2014

Singing the Midterm Blues

It is the day before spring break; taxis drive in and out of campus, bags are piled on the curbside, students skip class to pack before their flight. And yet I am set apart from those moments. I do not feel a sense of relief as the day draws on; I congratulate people half halfheartedly as they lay out before me their sunny, proposed plans. Many are going south, like birds, flocking to parties or events with friends and family. Others are going home, back to the comfort they readily admit and the knowledge that it will be a week of sleep and attention. When I tell them I am staying here, most look at me in a mild awe and ask me how I can stay on campus. Won't I go crazy, with no one here? Why am I not going home?

I make a lame excuse about the weather and snow and say I'm working. Both, although weak responses, are true, and they move on to tell me what they plan to do on the beach or who they are most excited to see at home. I am jealous of them in a way I wish I didn't have to be. They don't have a fear of flying and they don't doubt that their parents can support them when they're back. They don't feel like they are being kept at bay, shipped off because its easier to pass the job onto someone else. They are leaving campus for a breath of fresh air, and I, even with the bribes and money, will still be breathing in the fact that I can't go home,can't leave the area, and won't see my parents till the school year is over. It is not something I would ever tell my parents, because both of them would deny it, saying I could have come home. It just wouldn't have been easy on them, and it's better if I stay at arms length. It's ok, I say, I get it. And I know how complicated it would be and I know how little I could do at home. But the fact that they will travel without me later this year and not give it a second thought is something I can't come to terms with. It's not a problem with money, it's not a question of time, but it is the "too much effort" for "too little results" and the fact that I make life complicated. So I'm staying on campus for the third week long break in a row and thinking maybe, just next year, they'll let me come too.

Friday, February 14, 2014

Happy Valentines Day!

This is a mini shout-out to all of my homies (I should have been a DJ) so that they know they are well loved and much appreciated, no matter where you live. Feel the love guys, let it set a fire in your soul and take over your heart at the most inappropriate times (like last night, when in stead of saying "I heart you" it came out as "I fart you"...thank you, you know who you are you smelly thing) so that it comes out a little messed up but people get the gist anyways. Peace, love, and eternal chocolate strawberries to all!

Friday, February 7, 2014

22 Of the Most Creative College Essay Questions- and I'm going to do them all

I love all the gifs that go with these, and I am going to start writing out some of them. I have a couple ideas for some of the topics, but I'm a little unsure as to "what sets my heart on fire" (you do, of course, but what else?). It's creative, I liked it, and I'm going to write about it.

Friday, January 31, 2014

I am 19 going on 16

Dear 16 year old self,
I could never say with utmost certainty that life, in its entirety, get better. Because truthfully, I don't know. What I do know is that from then to now, it might get bad, but it doesn't get worse.  You will have ups and downs just like a cardiac monitor, but in the end your baseline will still be the same, and it will tell you that life just keeps on living.
Just in case you need more reassurance, here are a few things you should know.
  • The pain will go away. The aching in your back and chest and calfs will ebb and go away as you stop growing and your body stops changing. Birth control and plastic surgery will help with the pain in your chest. Even you neck pain will fade. Try massage therapy.
  • You will get over him. You will stop being scared in the middle of the night and stop wishing you were dead or hidden and sooner or later you will realize that it was a growing experience, a hard trial that you should not be ashamed of, because no matter what you've been told, you had little control over it, and they should have told you up front the dangers of playing with fire. If they did, then they should have told you differently, because no teenager wants to be told no unless they don't realize that that's what's being said. You are stronger now, smarter and more willing to listen to advice (if equally as stubborn) and it will never leave you but that can be good, eventually.
  • Don't be afraid of who you are. Stop fighting what you know in your heart might be true because those people to whom it matters most won't care. No, I don't mean mom and dad, but your sister and future friends will accept your choices to be who you are, and sooner or later (it's still later at this point) mom and dad will grow into the idea. That just means that you have to, first. 
  • You will find best friends. You will find people who love you and care for you, who know your quirks and peeves and appreciate you just the same. Some might make you crazy and some might leave for a time, but know sooner or later you will find people who make you feel like you
  • Listen to people when they tell you to exercise. I know it's cold but you'll venture south eventually, and until then ride a bike outside. 
  • Read more. You will find books that take you away from the world, but unlike TV when you pull your head up for air you will feel better about yourself and the world around you, and life won't seem so bad.
  • Never talk about anything mildly serious after nine pm. Trust me, it never does any good. 
  • Forgive people. Don't forget what they've done or sweep in under the rug, but acknowledge that it was a mistake, or it was done with the best intentions (hopefully) and that because they are human they, as well as yourself, are not perfect. Breath, and learn to let it go, as much as you can. 
  • Don't try and force it with her. You will fight and not get anywhere, scream and never be heard, cry until you can cry no more but she will never fully understand. She will love you and care for you and try and be there for you but ultimately you are two very different people. As soon as you realize that, life with her will get better. Try writing down what you are feeling, she is more visual and does better with lists. Love her, don't let her out of your life, but remember that not every movie is Freaky Friday. 
That's all the advice I can give you, because other than that I might change time, but hey, at least you know the gist of what happens, right?

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Five People Who Should Show Up At My Door

Sometimes, right before I fall asleep, I imagine that someone's just knocked on the door, and I picture, in my mind's eye, who and why that could be. Every time except one I've imagined it (thank you, random drunk guy, for breaking my heart that night), but what if I didnt, who would be on the other side.

5. I've been friends with Dylan for almost six years now, since the summer of 2009, and yet I've only spent a collective two weeks with  him. It's strange really, but I feel like the more I get to know him via Skype, phone calls, texts and IM, the more I feel like I'm missing out on a really great tactile friendship. No matter how many times I've tried getting down there in the last two years, either I don't have the money or the time or even just a ride to the airport (the taxi cab would have thrown the whole equation off), and sooner or later I feel I'm going to miss my window of being young and spontaneous and a little bit stupid.

4. Hannah Smith, in no way is your place at number four any reflection on your personality or our relationship. In fact, if you are reading this right now, remember to write me a letter, then check your mailbox, in that order. You remind me of summer and christmas at the same time, and I would love it if you were to apparate outside my door. You are four on this list because well, I've seen you this month. And I still have a lasting impression of what we did this christmas, and all the delicious things we made appear.

3. Hi Lilly. I miss you. I have this fantastic idea that you will bring me stories and presents and make beehives with me this summer, and yet I can't be too patient, after all this is me, and sometimes I imagine waking up on Tuesdays and nearly fainting with excitement to tell you what day it is, but it's not you. I want you to show up at my door in your amazing, memorable outfits that honestly I can't get over (I love them so much) and be incredibly excited its Tuesday and there are people to be seen and mayhems to be had.

2. This one, I'm a bit hesitant about. Sam if you showed up at my door, I'd have most of my mind to never let go and the other part to punch you. But mostly, I'd be happy you remember where I lived or where I went to school or took the time to find out, and come. It's one of my more fantastic hopes and dreams...

1. Behind door number one we have the traveler who not only guessed the list but also put them in order. Rarely have I been so impressed at mind-reading. Showing up outside my door would mean what, I don't know, but somehow I still imagine you flying back for the goodbye I feel you deserved and I didn't give you. I wanted to make you cake. Anyways, Alicia Miller, July 17th is too long, so at least show up at my virtual door and skype me. 

I want the surprise of a lifetime, someone who loves me enough to show up at my door with no warning and no planning, knowing that because of who we are and how our relationship works I will invite them in and make the bed for however many nights they may want or need it. This is not to say I want someone to murder someone else and need a safe house while I harbor a fugitive, but I would for the right person and hey it makes a great story.